Why do i fall and pick myself up, only to find myself fall again?

They say if you stand for nothing, you fall for anything.

How true.

I always thought if I have to describe myself, I would be a daffodil seed - wild and free. I am unpredictable, spontaneous, and I let the wind carry me, wherever, whenever.

The fact is, I am pretty much, aimless.

Why do I fall?
Because I let myself. Maybe because I want to fall. I want to run away from the unpleasant reality - things I can't undo, things I can't change, things that I regret, the lost hopes, the lost causes...

I want to drift to somewhere faraway - no cares, no sorrows, only eurphoria. I want to be in my little bubble of relief, where everything is fuzzy and happy. Unfortunately, it is but a vicious cycle.

Maybe it is time to change all that. Maybe it is time to realise the whole world will soon move on...without me.

People all around told me the same thing, and I get angry thinking they are stupid, thinking that they don't understand me. And if they can't understand me, it doesn't matter, because I don't need them to, I will do what I want.

You could say I hear them, but I never did comprehend the reason why I have to change.

Maybe it is time to let go of thoughts that don't make me strong.

Maybe it is time to control my emotions, rather than the other way around.

Maybe it is time to face up to this life.
 
Only then can I  achieve what I desire in life - love, happiness, health, safety.

You can only be happy if you let yourself be.

Nowhere

Because being sober hurts.
Where do I go now with no escape route?
I will figure it out.. Eventually..
Maybe...